Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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