Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
