i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize