Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
