and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
