Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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