You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
