I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
