It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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