How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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