I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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