ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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