I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize