i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you made out with another girl for some wings
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize