i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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