I CAN MOONWALK!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
