dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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