do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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