i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
