I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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