hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
