whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
