What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
