I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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