i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
