you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
