just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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