i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
