I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
