i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize