Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
