Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
