I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
