I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am available for nakedness
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
