Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
