So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I want a musical about memes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize