I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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