I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize