So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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