I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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