So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
