He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
