Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize