If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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