You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
