Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize