Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
