I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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