im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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