highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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