im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
