she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
