my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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