There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
