if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
