with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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