I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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