sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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