hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
