Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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