he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
