Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
