I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
