The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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