I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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