Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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