she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
