he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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