I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
