You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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