eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
