I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
